I love my town. And its mosquitos love me. Endless Love H-Town is a fantastic place to live. The people are great, the lawns are all squared away (for the most part) and we’ve got plenty of good bars lying around. The only thing I hate are the mosquitos. When I say they are a pain in my neck or they come back and bite me in the ass, I mean it quite literally. _____________ Summer Nights I’m not one of your typical bug-bite getters. After a 10-second step out to our standard-issue minivan, welts the size of dimes, nickels and sometimes quarters appear like Dementor magic on my skin. The swelling usually subsides in a day or so but the itching lasts for weeks. We’ve attacked this itchy invader problem with aggressive and defensive strategies. I’d baptize myself in DEET. We had the lawn guys put down pellets in the grass. We set up Citronella Torch Stonehenge around the patio table. We ran through the must-be-true-because-they-were-on-the-Internet bug-beater commands: carry a dryer sheet (like Bounce) daily dose of Brewer’s Yeast & Vitamin B Dab on Tea Tree Oil on light (or dark?) clothes wear long pants and long sleeves, but don’t sweat. Or breathe. Or be human. We also made sure to empty gutters clear any pooling water get rid of certain weeds dump bird baths and kiddie pool water at least once weekly (we have neither) perform ancient Celtic Rituals while dressed in plaid lederhosen. Nothing worked (not even the lederhosen, which is usually so powerful). So inside we went and there we stayed, watching the summer nights pass us by. But even indoors I wasn’t safe. I am so-well-loved by these Biting Creatures of Minuscule Mass that I had to spray myself with DEET before I went to bed. If I didn’t, I’d wake up with itchy welts not only on my body but on my face. I'm too old to look like I'm stressed out about the SATs. (For the amateur scientists who are surely wondering: Eau d’ DEET repels more than just insects in a human … [Read more...]